I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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