I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
