mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
