Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
