she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
