Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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