i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
