dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
