Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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