My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
