My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
