I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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