we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
