Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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