nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
