It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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