part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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