Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
