Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
