sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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