Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
