I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
