One girl and one boy is just not enough.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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