And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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