i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You ruined the universe
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
