We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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