I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
