Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
