Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
