This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
