Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I party with great urgency now.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
