I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
