Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
