Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
