Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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