Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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