so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
honey bunches of taint.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
