What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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