I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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