Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
