God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
