My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
