Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize