I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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