dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
