On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
