we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
