True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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