The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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