; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I DEMAND FORESKIN
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
