She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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