Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
