She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
