He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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