my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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