plz talk dirty to me
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
