whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
