You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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