Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
When did angry sex become our thing?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
