i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
