im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
