38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
