Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
