does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
