you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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