i just wanna soil my oats bro
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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