yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
