I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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