I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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