My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
