Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
